17 and Already Married?
by Sailor Xena
Summary: [ON HOLD] Formerly Where There's a Will [I just HAD to change it.] Follows our favorite trio plus the guy we love to hate [Malfoy, duh] through their final year at Hogwarts, where they are being forced to take a class on how to take care of themselves.
1. Home Ec?

WOOT! that's all I have to say. -silence- …………-cough-…………enjoy.

sailor xena

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Where There's A Will, There's A Woman

Chapter One

It was a chilly autumn morning and Harry, Ron, and Hermione were laughing over breakfast.

"Oi, Ron!" Ginny said from a little ways down the table. "Whatchew looking at?"

"Nothing," Hermione laughed, quickly tucking away the photo into the middle of a book. "It's nothing, Ginny, really."

"Oh, is that so?" Ginny got up and walked over. She tried to pull the photo out, but Hermione (being clever Hermione) put the photo inside one particular textbook: her copy of the Monster Book of Monsters. It bit her. "Yow!"

Harry and Ron laughed as another Sixth Year attempted to pull the book off of her friend's hand. "Got it!" The girl finally yanked it off. Hermione held out her hand to take the book back, but Ginny grabbed it and ran back to his seat.

"Wha-! HEY!" Hermione ran after her. She snatched the book away, but not in time. Ginny got the photo.

She looked at it, and then she started laughing. "Ron!" She called down the table.

"Yeah?"

"Hahahaha- You're dead!" Ginny dove on top of him. The naked baby picture of her fell somewhere on the table.

As the three rolled around on the floor, Hermione and Harry were dying of laughter.

"Students!" Dumbledore stood. Everyone quieted and the two Weasleys got into their seats. "We have brought back an old class to our curriculum. It is for the Seventh Years only, as they are the ones who will be going out into the world shortly. It is a common class in Muggle Schools- Home Economics. So all Seventh Years, please report back here after lunch break. Thank you."

The students all got up and started towards their classes.

"Home Ec!" Harry hit himself in the head with a book. "Ow!"

"Harry, you're an idiot. If you hit yourself in the head with a book, then OF COURSE it will hurt!" Hermione snapped. "What's so bad about Home Ec anyway?"

"We have to cook! And other boring stuff that we're never going to use!"

"Yes we will!" She said. "What about when we all move out and get our own houses? We'll need to know how to do these things."

Ron decided to enter the conversation. "Correction: women need to know how to do those things."

Hermione was right, apparently- when you get hit over the head with a book or two (or nine), then you're going to get hurt.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After lunch, Harry, Ron, and Hermione stayed along with the rest of the Seventh Years.

"Wonder who's gonna teach it?" Ron said, looking around for a teacher. There was no one there except the students.

Harry doodled on a piece of paper. "I honestly don't care, as long as it is NOT-"

"There will no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class." Snape came through the doors and strode up to the High Table. "Unless the wand is waved by me." He waved said wand in the air, and all of them were in desks that were set up like a classroom. "Now, let us begin." A podium appeared and Snape put the attendance list on it. Once everyone had been accounted for, Snape waved his wand over it, and the names began floating over the paper, rearranging themselves. "I will separate you into pairs that have been randomly arranged by a spell. Each 'Couple' will be given a baby, and you will be required to care for it for the remainder of the school year. Undestood?" Everyone nodded their heads. "Good. Our first Couple is…" He smirked evilly. "…Harry Potter," Every girl in the class (discluding Hermione&Slytherins) crossed her fingers in hope. "and Ron Weasley." The Slytherins roared with laughter.

"WHAT?" Harry and Ron jumped to their feet. They both started talking at the same time. "You- we can't- we're not- fixed!-" And finally Harry shouted "I DEMAND a recount!"

"Sorry boys, what's done is done." Snape smirked and turned back to his list. "You can be our 'alternative' Couple." He said just loud enough to set the Slytherins off again. "All right, all right, settle down. Our next Couple is Hermione Granger," Every boy in the class (discluding the happy couple&Slytherins) crossed his fingers in hope. "and Draco Malfoy."

"WHAT!" Hermione and Malfoy jumped to their feet. "I DEMAND a recount!"

"So sorry, what's done is done." Snape looked actually kind of if-ya-squint-your-eyes-and-tilt-your-head…sorry (!).

After all the Couples had been assigned, and Harry and Ron had successfully almost gotten detentions for yelling at Snape, Snape had them come up and get their children.

"Is this a real baby!" Harry exclaimed. It looked like a real baby and moved like a real baby, and could blink and babble like a baby. And it smelled like a real baby

"No, obviously just a doll that's been enchanted to imitate an actual child." Hermione said as she was handed hers (and Malfoys, but we don't like him)

"Thank you, Miss Granger, for being a show-off in yet another class." Snape said. "Now, Couples, there are plenty of desks- you need to sit together so you can both take care of the 'Baby'."

Malfoy sat down next to Hermione. He didn't look at her, he just crossed his arms and stared at the desk. Hermione held out the doll. "We'll need to name it."

"Stupid Mudblood, it's a doll!"

After Snape handed out the last doll, he stood at the front of the room again and said in a 'Dear Lord, Why Me?' voice "Now that you are 'couples' and 'parents' you'll need to name your stupid dolls."

Hermione smirked at Malfoy, who just scowled and didn't say anything. A few feet away, Harry and Ron were quite a laugh trying to take care of their 'baby'. Harry was holding it rather like a dirty sock, and Ron was saying that they needed to find out it's gender.

"Lemme see it." Ron took the doll, set it on the desk, and glanced inside it's diaper. "And it's a GIRL." He quickly gave the wailing doll back to Harry, who found that the only way to get the thing to shut up was to let it- her- pull his hair and snap his glasses clean in two.

Harry was practically blind without his glasses. "Hermione…?" He pleaded as he held out the glasses.

She took them and tapped them with her wand. She'd mastered nonverbal spells already, so she didn't have to say 'Reparo'- just think it. Handing the intact glasses back to Harry, she grinned and said "Jinkies." Harry, getting the Muggle joke, laughed, but Ron and Malfoy, being born and raised in a wizarding world, didn't get it, and simply looked at them as though they needed a trip to St. Mungo's.

"So anyway, what should we name the lovely little…girl, yeah, it's definitely a girl." Hermione said.

"Draco."

" 'Draco'."

"Draco."

" 'Draco'."

"Draco."

"……No." Hermione said quite plainly. "Why don't we name HER something like…Sarah. Or Leslie. Or…" She thought for a moment as the doll 'fell asleep'. "Jessica."

"Jessica…" Malfoy thought about it. Then he shrugged. "Just take care of my grade, Granger." The bell rang and everyone started to leave.

Snape was able to shout out before anyone actually left "Don't forget them tomorrow at our next class. If they aren't in PERFECT condition, you'll fail."

At the doorway to the Entrance Hall, Harry and Ron still didn't know what to do with the still screaming girl, whom they had christened 'Yú,' which was pronounced like 'you'. Finally, Hermione shoved her sleeping doll into Ron's arms and grabbed the girl, tickling her and rocking her until she giggled and smiled. "I'm going to report you two to child services." She said, taking 'Jessica' back. "Now, we better get to our next class."

"What is it?" Ron asked, observing how Hermione held the doll, and tried to copy her.

"Um…" Hermione tried to figure out how to say it. "…Potions."

"WHAT!" Harry and Ron exploded. "Oh, come on!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

heehee! I love making my characters' lives miserable. r&r!

sailor xena 


	2. Quidditch and Quarrels

FINALLY! THE FUNNINESS THAT IS CHAPTER TWO IS HEEEERE! 

Disclaimer: Forgot it last chapter! Oops! I don't own Harry Potter. And that's sad. :(

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Where There's A Will, There's A Woman

Chapter Two

As it turned out, Jessica was as docile as they come, and Yú was as squally as they come. Hermione, on more than one occasion, had to take over care of Yú until she quieted. It was almost fun, Hermione thought on more than one occasion throughout the day, it was almost like playing house with dolls and teddy bears and the weird kids from down the street, except that the doll could be mistaken for a real child, and she actually knew Harry and Ron. And Malfoy, but we still don't like him.

By the end of the day, Hermione realized that she had spent the time she would have used to do homework or to study entertaining Jessica. She had a mountain of homework that could rival Harry's and Ron's, and was just plain lucky that some of her extra classes didn't get homework.

She decided it was Malfoy's turn to watch the kid, if only for a couple of hours, as she didn't trust him with it for more than that. So, she waited in the Entrance Hall until she saw Malfoy come up from the dungeons with the Slytherin Quidditch team.

"Oi, Draco, what's the Mudblood doing here?" One of them snickered.

"Shut it, Warrington." Hermione snapped. "I know some hexes that would curl even your greasy hair." She turned to Malfoy, who matched her look of contempt with one of his own. "It is your turn with Jessica."

"Who's Jessica?" Warrington asked Malfoy in a 'lucky!' voice.

"The doll, pervert!" Hermione held out Jessica.

"Can't, Granger, I've got Quidditch practice." Malfoy said airily. "And besides, I don't need to babysit a stupid doll."

"You do when we need to get a grade on it!"

"Look, I don't like you."

"Really? I did not know that." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"And you don't like me."

"You're smarter than you look."

"And we want to spend as little time as is humanly possible together."

"Did you figure that out on your own?"

"So we're agreed."

"On what!" This was getting them nowhere.

"You go play house, and I'll see you at class tomorrow."

"Oh no- you're going to take the kid now, so I can do my homework!"

"No, I have Quidditch!"

"I have homework!"

"Quidditch beats homework hands down!"

"No no no! Homework actually counts for something in school! Quidditch, on the other hand, is simply recreational!"

"…….wha?"

"HOMEWORK IS MORE IMPORTANT!"

"NO IT IS NOT!"

"MALFOY, PULL YOUR WEIGHT AND TAKE THE DOLL!"

"I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO, MUDBLOOD!"

KA-WHAM. Hermione punched Malfoy, giving him an instant black-eye and a trip to the floor. She stood there, breathing heavily and glaring daggers.

Malfoy took a moment to recover himself, making a big show out of staggering to his feet, clutching his face. Finally he said "All right, fine, you win, Granger, gimme the kid."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: i gotta go update chap-e-tar tah-reee! (extra points if you can figure that out!)


End file.
